Fuck it Exercise

There are days when you just want to swear and pack it in. The toilet is blocked, the house keys are missing, the baby has vomited on your bedsheets and there’s no milk left for coffee. Fuck it exercise is when you have run out of patience with the world (let alone a bloody fitness regime) and you want to stamp your feet like a toddler.

Well, if you are going to get angry, let’s use it. On Fuck It Days I would power walk up hills, punch pillows and jump up and down whilst yelling at whatever pancake-abbed, serene goddess appeared on my screen. Not for her body, mind you, but for the simple fact she did not wake up to vomit, shit and tears with a distinct lack of caffeine.

Here’s my go-to Fuck It Exercises. Don’t bother to count or set up a timer – it’s just another bloody obstacle in your path to angry nirvana. The aim is not fitness, but release. Your crockery and your doors will thank you.

Pillow Fight!

Wrap a dressing gown around a sturdy chair and pummel with a pillow. If you have a toddler, give them a separate chair and a cushion to avoid collisions. There’s nothing worse than feeling angry and ending up in A&E with a concussed child.

Trampoline boxing

If you have an adult trampoline, this is guaranteed to make you feel good. Again, it’s a solo activity – bribe the toddler or your children and leave your (preferably sleepy) baby wrapped up in their pram. The Scandinavians swore by outdoor sleep for babies, by the way, so this activity is actually out of the Good Parenting Guide. Either way, get on that trampoline and try to punch the sky. Or shadowbox, whilst kicking the most irritating person you can think of, in the groin.

The Mutter Stutter

This is a great one if you just have a minute in the hallway, whilst the kids are wailing in the other room. Squat (keep your back straight!) and start doing mini-steps very fast with your feet. It’s the vibrator version of jogging and very cathartic with swearwords.

Stamping Stairs.

Run up and down the stairs repeatedly. I usually start on anger high and end on an adrenaline high. I find this happens a lot when I am in hurry without real thought as I dash around the house trying to get three bodies with five different priorities out of the door on time.

Outdoor kicks

This one is only to be attempted in welly boots. Or something old you don’t mind getting messy. Outdoor kicks is best described as booting leaves, puddles or mud in the hope of a satisfying ending. Like a splash or leaf flurry. Your kids will be delighted and it will look fun instead of pointedly antisocial (unless you are actually aiming at people). Add in a bit of angry walking and you will be grinning again in no time.

Good luck and remember sleep will come again. Sometime soon.

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